ADC Update:
Advice to Arab-American Parents - Helping Children Cope
Children are seeing frightening images of destruction and death. They are seeing Arabs and Muslims being arrested and blamed for one of the worst tragedies in American history. They are hearing angry calls for military attacks against Arab and Muslim countries. Daily routines have been disrupted. How should parents respond and explain what it happening?
The most important thing is to acknowledge the crisis, recognize their fears, and provide reassurance and let them know you are there to protect them. Children are feeling fearful and powerless. Some may be glued to the TV, others may pretend not to be bothered. Spend time with them.
Families and groups of families should discuss the situation together. Create a safe atmosphere in the home. Find out what children understand what is going on. What do they not understand? What is their emotional response? Children of different ages will have different levels of understanding and different emotional reactions. They may feel fear, anger, anxiety, shame, sadness or depression. Take their questions and feelings seriously. Be patient and tolerant if children are upset and act out their feelings. Let them know that they can express their feelings to you and talk about what happened. Let them talk things over with their friends.
Be honest. They may not know what to believe. Verify that what they have heard is true. Correct any misperceptions. Don't try to hide anything. Acknowledge that many innocent people have died, that the suspects are Arabs and Muslims, that many people are very angry. Arab Americans and Muslims are angry too. The attacks were a terrible thing and those responsible should be brought to justice.
Parents should calmly acknowledge their own upset and emotional reactions.
Everyone has been impacted and has strong feelings about what has happened.
Even very young children are very aware of the reactions of adults. Don't
dismiss by telling them “It’s nothing” or saying “They'll get over
it.” Small children and children with a history of traumatic experiences
may need extra hugs and special reassurance. Honest and calm are the keys.
Children may fear being harassed and blamed by other children or by adults.
At school they may experience slurs, hostility, isolation, even assaults.
Rejection by peers can be devastating for teenagers. Don't wait for them
to come home in tears they may react very quietly or just appear tired and
withdrawn. Encourage them to talk about what happens at school.
Let them know that the police, government leaders, and school officials are
there to protect them. President Bush, Senators Kennedy and Schumer and
many national and local elected officials have told the American people not to
blame the Arab-American and Muslim communities. Teachers know that
students are upset. School counselors are there to advise and help.
Arab-American and Muslim children may feel a sense of stigma as a result of
these attacks. They may have questions like, “Why do Arabs and Muslims
commit such terrible acts?” It is important to let children know
that these are the acts of a very few people. Most Arabs and Muslims are
very good people who are horrified by the attacks. Every country has bad
people who harm others. There were Arab Americans and Muslims who died in
the World Trade Center and among the rescuers trying to save people. Arab
Americans, both Christians and Muslims, have been praying for the victims and
donating blood for the survivors.
Why did this happen? Remind them that people in many countries,
including the Arab and Muslim counties, have experienced terrible wars and acts
of violence all around the world. The United States is one of the few
countries where such things have not occurred before. We read about such
things in the news every day. This time it occurred in the U.S. (A
discussion of Middle East politics and U.S. foreign policy might be appropriate
for older children, but it will probably not be a good way to deal with their
fears and emotions.)
As far as possible, keep to normal routines. Make plans about upcoming activities. Focus attention away from the crisis. Get a video to watch together as a family. Watch sitcoms and the cartoon networks. Make a rule to keep dinner table conversation on other topics.
(This advice is based on an article in the Montgomery County, Maryland, Gazette, which drew on the suggestions of professional psychiatrists and counselors. ADC thanks to the Gazette for permission to use the article. It also draws on advice from Dr. Nuha Abudabbeh of the Naim Foundation. The Foundation can provide advice, counseling, and workshops by professionals. You can contact them at 202-462-5715.)
Palestine Affairs Council